


The Reason Why

by wreckoftheday



Category: One Direction
Genre: Eventual Smut, Future Fic, M/M, Writer Louis, flash backs, he writes a memoir, head canon, i really don't know how to tag stuff, one direction is over
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 21:23:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wreckoftheday/pseuds/wreckoftheday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis writes a memoir detailing his time in one direction. It also reveals his relationship with former bandmate Harry Styles. Now louis is traveling around the world to promote his book. For the first time in years he's in the same city as harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I feel like this is a really good idea for a fic, but idk if my execution will be any good. Tbh I don't really have it planned out, I'm just sorta going with the flow.

Louis wakes up to the blaring sound of his alarm, and it's way too early. The sun's not even up yet. He thinks it's a crime to be up before the sun, but he has stuff to do today. He crawls out of his lonely bed and prepares for the day. 

His book has just been released, and it seems like everyone's talking about it. Today he has to do more promotional stuff, and really he wishes he didn't have to do interviews. The interviewers always bring things he would rather not talk or think about for the rest of his life. 

While brushing his teeth, Louis wonders for the millionth time why he even wrote the stupid book. He knows it was a good for him to write about everything that had happened, so he could get it all out of his head and hopefully move on; but why did he get it published? He thinks it was a stupid idea to put the most private details of his life out there for the whole world to read. He knows everyone's judging him. 

After he finishes getting ready, Louis is out the door and on his way. This morning he's going to be on some American morning show. It's his first of several American shows he's going to do before the promotional tour is over. He has a few in New York where he currently is, and then he heads to LA to finish the tour. Louis tries not to think of who is in LA. He tries not to think of the significance LA has to him. He tries not to think at all.

When he gets to the studio he's greeted by his publicist Penelope. "You're late."

Louis is two minutes late. He considers that being on time, but apparently not everyone agrees. "Hardly." Then he's taken to get his make up done. The dark circles under his eyes never seem to go away no matter how much make up is applied. He doesn't really sleep much these days, and it's clearly taking a toll on him. 

Once his make up is finished and he's changed his outfit and had his hair styled, he's ready to go. At the beginning of the tour he always got really nervous right before going on stage since he was so used to having four other people with him all the time, but now he doesn't feel nervous. Being alone is just another thing he's gotten used to.

He walks on to the stage, and he's plastered on the best smile he can and he gets asked the same questions he always gets and he gives the same answers he always gives and that's that. 

~

After the band broke up Louis needed something to do with his time. He couldn't bare the thought of trying a solo career. Really, he couldn't bare the idea of being in the spotlight anymore. After six years he was over it. He yearned to have a nice, quiet life away from all the chaos. So he packed all his things from his London home and moved back to Doncaster. 

He just wanted to get away from everything, so he spent a couple of months ignoring all his former band mates calls and texts. It didn't matter; the one Louis most wanted to hear from never called him anymore. He moped a bit, but he deserved to have time to mope. His band has just broken up. The love of his life had moved to another continent and didn't want anything to do with him anymore. Louis had reason to mope, so he did.

If his mom didn't finally snap at him and tell him to get his shit together, he probably would have moped forever. But she was right like usual, he really needed to get his shit together. 

The first thing he did was call Liam. "I thought you fell off the face of the earth," was the first thing Liam said to him. "Where the hell have you been?"

"I moved back to Doncaster."

"And you didn't tell any of us?" Liam sounds almost sad, and Liam should never be sad. When Louis didn't reply Liam continued, "At first I thought you were just ignoring me. I thought I had done something to upset you, but then I talked to Zayn and Niall and found out you were ignoring them too."

"Have you talked to Harry?" And that was really not what Louis meant to say. He didn't want to talk about Harry, he didn't want to hear about Harry. But, of course, his mouth spoke without his brain telling it to.

Liam seemed to pause for a little while, not knowing what to say. "Yeah I've talked to him."

"I haven't. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore." Once again, that wasn't what louis wanted to say. He didn't want to sound so pathetic and vulnerable. 

"He just needs time, Lou." Shortly after that, he and Liam hung up. Louis thought maybe he should just go back to sulking.

~

Harry's had a lot time. Louis's given him a lot of time. It's been about two years since they last saw each other. Now it's obvious that It doesn't matter how much time louis gives harry, it doesn't matter how much distance is between them. All that matters is that Harry is done with louis. Harry is done with Louis forever. And it shouldn't have shocked Louis as much as it did. He should have known all along this was how it would end. Harry is such a good person; he could have anyone he wants, and Louis never understood why harry would want him. It makes sense that harry doesn't want him anymore.

They ,of course, ask about Harry in all his interviews. Louis knew they would. You just can't write a book exposing a 5 year long, secret relationship between two members of the world's most famous boyband without people asking about said relationship. 

Louis never watches or reads any of Harry's interviews, but he knows they're asking Harry about him as well. He feels bad about that. Harry probably doesn't want to talk about him but because of Louis's stupid book he has to. Louis thinks that this is just another example of his own selfishness. Just another example of how he's a burden to Harry. 

~

When Louis decided to write the book it was about 6 months after the band had officially broken up. He knew everyone else was doing their own thing. Harry had started recording his solo album, and Louis knew it was going to be great. Niall and Liam were writing music for other artists. Liam was also considering a solo career, but as he told Louis, he just couldn't decide if it was something he could do on his own. And Zayn was enjoying being a father to his new born daughter. 

Louis felt like a loser compared to all of them. He hasn't done anything since the band had broken up. A solo career definitely wasn't going to happen. He considered getting into songwriting. It had always been something he enjoyed, but for some reason he had no motivation to continue in the music industry. 

"You have to do something, you know. You can't just sit around all day." Lottie told him.

And yeah he knew that he had to do something. He just couldn't figure out what. He also knew if Harry was speaking to him, he would give Louis the best advice. "I know. I just don't know what to do. Nothing appeals to me." Louis replied to his sister. 

"Maybe you should be like Lance Bass and write a memoir," Louis could tell by her tone that she was joking, but he thought it might be a good idea.

Ever since the band started fans had been speculating about what really went on off camera. Maybe they deserved to know. Louis thought he owed it to them after all the years of lying. 

He obviously couldn't expose the details of his and Harry's relationship unless harry was okay with it, so he had to ask harry if he was okay with it. Which meant talking to harry for the first time in months. 

A phone call would be the best way to do it he decided. Really he wanted to just email harry so they could avoid actually talking, but he knew that was too impersonal. 

The 30 seconds Louis listened to the phone ring was absolute torture. Louis prayed for it to just go to voicemail. "Um...hello?" Of course, louis never gets what he wants these days. 

He knows Harry knows it's him since, you know, caller ID. "Um hey." 

"Is-is there a reason you called?" And, god, Louis had missed hearing Harry's voice. 

"Yeah there is, actually." Louis had planned out what he was going to say in his head, but now that he was really talking to harry he couldn't remember any of it. "I'm not sure how you're going to react to this, but there's something I want to do. Something that would affect you, and I wanted to make sure you would be okay with it first. It's okay if you don't want me to, I'll understand. It's just that I feel like I should be doing something like all of you-"

"Lou?" And, yeah, Louis really wished that Harry hadn't called him that. "You're freaking me out." 

"Yeah, sorry." Louis took a deep breath. This wasn't how he imagined it going. He didn't know what he imagined. "Well, I want to write a book. Like a memoir about my experience in one direction. Um, and I wanted to talk about our relationship. Only if you're okay with it, though."

Harry didn't say anything for a while, and it made Louis realize how stupid he must've sounded. "I understand if you don't want me to do it. It's stupid. Don't worry, I won't do it." 

"No. No, you should do it. I'm okay with it." Harry's voice sounded different, and Louis knew he was trying not to cry. "I'm just surprised. We haven't talked in a while, you know, and this is all just surprising." 

"I know." Louis didn't really know what to say at this point. "I'm sorry."

Harry didn't ask what he was apologizing for, and Louis didn't know what he was apologizing for. All he knew is that he had hurt harry more times than he could say, and he was so sorry for it. "Don't worry about it." Harry sighed. "Good luck with the book."

Then Harry hung up.

~

Louis's flight to LA isn't anything monumental. It's just a flight, but it marks the first time he's gone to LA since the band broke up. He's been avoiding it for a very long time. There's a sense of anxiety inside of him. 

Harry loved LA, and spent a lot of their off time there. Louis can't help but remember the good times they had. It only made sense for Harry to move to LA after the band broke up. Sometimes he and Harry would talk about possibly moving to California together, but things didn't exactly go how they planned. 

It's not often that Louis allows himself to think about what might have happened had he and harry not broken up. His life would be so different. If only he hadn't been so selfish and stupid, he thinks. He spends the whole flight thinking about it, though. About how things would be now. Their seven year anniversary would be coming up. Maybe they would have gotten married. Maybe they would have had a kid or six. He and harry always planned on having kids, and the thought that Harry's probably going to do that with someone else now makes Louis sick. 

The worst part is, Louis knows it's all his fault. He knows that he's one hundred percent to blame. Harry was always perfect. Sure sometimes harry got a little too jealous over stupid things, and yeah sometimes harry was a little too flirty with certain people, but Louis could deal with all those things. It was Louis who was always causing arguments, it was Louis who was always a coward, it was Louis who was always saying hurtful things that he didn't mean, it was Louis that ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him. And now it's louis who regrets it all. 

Landing in LA makes louis think of all those things. He hopes to get this trip over as quickly as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! I hope you like it

Louis checks into his fancy hotel in LA, and hopes that this trip will be over as soon as possible. As pathetic as it sounds, Louis did check Harry's touring schedule and he's pretty sure Harry's in town. Not that it matters, they're definitely not going to be seeing each other.

It's weird for louis to think about how much things have changed over the years. If you would have asked him a few short years ago, he would have said that he and harry were going to be together forever, but now he just feels stupid for ever thinking that.

By now, Louis is pretty much immune to jet lag but he decides to take a nap anyway. It's only four and he doesn't have anything to do until tomorrow, so he figures a power nap will do him good.

~

They met in a bathroom. Sixteen year old Harry's eyes were red from crying, he had gone in there to hide so no one could see him cry. Eighteen year old louis had gone in there to fix his hair. They came face to face by the sinks, and when louis realized harry had been crying he felt the overwhelming need to comfort the stranger.

"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, clearly the boy wasn't okay.

"Just nervous," Harry mumbled. They were just about to get called on stage to hear if they had made it through or not, so Louis understood the nerves.

"Mate, I saw you sing. Trust me you've got nothing to worry about. With your voice and those curls," Louis said while reaching over to ruffle Harry's hair, "trust me, you're going to get through."

At that point, Harry's face was beet red. "You really think so?" Louis nodded, but harry sighed. "I just really don't want to have to go home and tell everyone I wasn't good enough."

"What are you even talking about? You're better than anyone here. They'd be stupid to let you go," Louis wasn't even bullshitting harry, louis truly believed that harry was amazing. There was no doubt in Louis's mind that the boy would get through. He wasn't feeling so confident about himself though.

"I hope you're right..." They stood there looking at each other for a moment. It should have been awkward but it somehow wasn't. "Thank you for making me feel better."

"Anytime, mate," Louis replied. It was only after Louis was walking away from the boy that he realized he never caught his name. 

Later when Louis was standing on stage as the judges called the last names of the people through, his first thought was that the curly haired boy hadn't gone through.

Once they left the stage he saw the boy crying; he wanted to go comfort him, but considering they had just met louis decided that might be weird. Unlike the curly boy, louis wasn't crying. It didn't surprise him that he didn't make it through. He just kept telling himself that he would be fine.

When Louis was listening to his mom tell him how proud she was of him someone came to tell him to come back. He went and stood with some other people who had gotten cut. Among them was the curly boy who looked puffy eyed and sad. Some names were called of people who were wanted back on stage. That's when louis learned that the boy's name was harry. Louis's name was called too.

The excitement of hearing they were going to be put in a group together and that they were through to judges houses was incredible. In the excitement louis somehow ended up jumping in Harry's arms. 

"We're in a group, we're through! This is amazing!" Harry shouted in his ear. Louis decided that he preferred this excited harry to the nervous one he met in the bathroom and the sad one he saw earlier.

They decided to all get together before judges houses. Harry offered up his step-dads bungalow and they all agreed.

Working together as a group ended up being easier than expected. Louis wasn't sure if the other boys would be able to put up with his loud personality, but they all seemed to like him, even liam who was nothing like louis. It was obvious from the start, though, that louis and harry had a special relationship. It seemed like they couldn't go a second without touching each other, cuddling by the fire or while watching a movie. Louis would do anything to make harry laugh or just to have Harry's attention, and it seemed harry was more than willing to give louis his attention.

Louis was never sure what the boundary was, though. He was never sure when things stopped being platonic and when they became a little more than friendly. There was never a sexuality crisis for louis, but as the days went on at the bungalow he became more and more drawn to harry. He noticed how attractive harry was and how he would really like to kiss harry. He felt butterflies like he never did with any of his past girlfriends, and one day he realized that he definitely had romantic (and sexual) feelings for harry.

One night after all the other boys had fallen asleep, louis and harry went outside and laid on the grass. They were just talking about random things, and exchanging funny stories. Then they both got quiet and just looked at each other, and louis thought that if he was just a little braver he would just kiss harry right then. "Louis?" Harry's tone had changed, it was quiet and uncertain.

"Yeah, curly?"

"Do you think-do you think it would be okay if someone in our group was maybe gay?" Harry wasn't meeting Louis's eyes anymore, instead he looked up at the sky.

"Yeah. Of course that would be fine." Louis wasn't sure what he should say. He didn't know if he should tell harry that he thought he might be gay too, or if he should mention that he really wanted to kiss harry.

"Good....because I think I might be, you know, gay." Harry whispered it like a secret all while still not looking at louis.

Louis was still at a loss. He wanted to tell harry that he thought he might be gay too, but he didn't want to make things weird if harry didn't have feelings for him. "Yeah, I've been thinking that I might be gay too recently." At that harry finally looked louis in the eyes.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, yeah I really think so." They both rolled over so they were on their sides facing each other. "Harry do you think that it would be okay if I like kissed you?" As soon as Louis said it he felt stupid, but he couldn't help it. He was pretty sure that a part of him had wanted to kiss harry ever since the first time they talked in that bathroom.

Harry just looked at him for a moment. They were so close and all louis could focus on was how pink Harry's lips were and how nice it would feel to have those lips on his. Then harry started to lean in and louis followed suit. When their lips met, it was like something louis had never experienced before. This was the first time he'd ever kissed a boy, and it wasnt just any boy it was harry. They stayed like that just moving their lips together, not pushing any further for a while. Louis didn't want it to ever end, but at some point they had to pull apart.

When they did louis opened his eyes to see harry looking fondly at him, he could only imagine he was giving harry the same stupid heart eyes.

That's how it all started.

~

Louis wakes up from his nap around 6. He decides to order room service for dinner. While he eats, he watches some shit reality tv.

Once he's done eating he starts feeling stir crazy. He just needs to go out and do something, but he doesn't really have too many friends in la anymore. He doesn't really have that many friends at all anymore.

At 9 he decided to head down to the hotel bar. The lights are dim and there aren't too many people in there, but louis does notice one man worth starting a conversation with. He knows he doesn't look great, wearing jeans and a button up shirt without having his hair even styled, but when he sits down next to what appears to be a man on business he thinks he could get lucky. 

The bartender comes over and louis orders his drink. When he looks over at the man next to him, he sees the man is already looking at him. "Aren't you that guy? You used to be in one direction?"

Louis chuckles, "I'm louis."

The guy smiles, and louis thinks he's attractive enough. "I'm Eric."

They sit there for a while having casual conversation. Louis doesn't care about anything Eric is saying, in fact he finds Eric quite boring. That's okay though because he hopes they won't be talking much soon.

It's been a while since louis has had sex, and right now that's really all he wants. So he endures Eric boring stories, and then once they've both have a few drinks in their system, Eric leans over so he's speaking right in Louis's ear and asks if he wants to back to his room.

Louis has to be up early in the morning for an interview but right now he doesn't care. He just needs to be fucked by some random stranger.

They go up to Eric's room. They kiss for the first time and it's rough. Before louis knows it he's getting fucked into this guys mattress. It's quick and dirty, but that's what louis wants from his meaningless one night stands. When it's over they lay in bed. Louis waits until he's sure Eric is asleep before he sneaks out.

That's how things are now. He just has random sex with strangers, and sneaks out in the middle of the night of in the morning. Always avoiding the awkward morning after talks. This is how it's been for the past two years since harry decided he had had enough of louis. There's no point in trying to have a proper relationship. Louis knows no one will be better than harry, he knows he'll always compare everyone to harry.

~

His wake up call comes bright and early the next morning. He has an interview with another morning show. Somehow he manages to drag himself out of bed and into the shower.

When he gets down to the lobby his publicist is waiting for him. "You look terrible! Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Thank you, Penelope. You always know how to boost a man's confidence," louis says dryly.

They drive to the studio, and it's the same old routine. The same old questions: "why did you agree to keep your relationship a secret?", "was the fame too much for you?", "are you and the other boys still close?", "do you and harry keep in touch?", "if you could go back and change something would you?"

That last one always gets him because yeah he would obviously change it. If he could go back and stop himself from ever hurting harry, from ever being a selfish coward he would definitely change that.

After the interview Louis's looking at his phone when he gets a text from niall. It says that he's in la and asks if louis wants to go have lunch. 

A few hours later louis finds himself in some Mexican restaurant that is very festively decorated waiting for niall.

Niall walks in and walks straight to louis. Louis stands up and niall hugs him tightly. It's been a few months since they've seen each other, and louis has missed niall.

"How ya been, mate?" Niall asks once they've separated and sit down. 

"Same old, same old." Louis doesn't like to let his friends know that he's still not over harry, but he's pretty sure they can all tell.

"I saw the books doing well. New York Times bestseller." 

"Yeah, yeah what about you? Writing songs for all the most important popstars?"

"Someone's gotta do it." They order their food and chat about meaningless topics for a few minutes. Niall tells louis about this new girl he's been seeing for a few months. "I like her a lot, but I still think I'm too young to be settling down. I just want to be able to go out and have fun, I don't want to worry about having someone waiting for me at home.

Louis thinks that he would give anything to have someone waiting for him at home, to have harry waiting for him. "You're still young, yeah. Maybe just don't get too serious with her." Louis used to be the residential love guru of the group. It's ironic now that he thinks about, he's always giving other people relationship advice but he couldn't save his own relationship.

When the food comes, they eat in silence for a little bit. Niall has this look an his face like he wants to say something but isn't sure. Louis is sure he probably doesn't want to hear whatever niall is contemplating so he goes into some story about how he pranced his publicist last week. He gets niall laughing his head of within a few seconds. Things feel like they should. Niall laughs at everything louis says like he always has, and for a moment it feels like nothing has changed. Like the band never broke up.

Once they've finished eating and are walking out to their cars is when niall brings up the one thing louis really doesn't want to talk about. 

"I went over to Harry's yesterday, he's in town you know." Louis nods because yeah he knows. "We were talking about how you were in town too. I think he wants to see you, Lou. I think you should go see him."

Louis wants to cry because niall has just broken the unspoken rule of never mentioning harry. Going to see harry is not even a possibility that louis can fathom. Harry doesn't want to see louis. There's no way harry wants to see louis. "He doesn't want to see me."

"I don't know, Lou, he sounded like he missed you. Can you just consider giving him a call?"

"I don't even know if I still have his number," louis lies.

"I'll give it to you then." Louis wants to go curl up in a ball because he can't just call harry up. He can't. 

"I'll think about it." And he does think about it. He leaves the restaurant and drives back to his hotel, he takes the elevator up to his room, he throws himself down on bed and he still wants to cry. The whole time he thinks about harry. He thinks about what it would be like to see harry again after all this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated! I originally said I'd update by Friday, but I've been really busy with school so it probably won't happen until Saturday or sunday


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's later than I wanted to update, but I had 5 million things going on this weekend. Hopefully it's worth the wait?

After Louis's lunch with niall all he can think about is harry. Niall said that harry wanted to talk to him too, but louis doesn't know if that's just something niall said to make him feel better or if harry might actually miss him. It's been such a long time since they've talked though; louis can't imagine why harry would all of the sudden want to get back in contact after going so long pretending like louis doesn't exist. Louis doesn't see why harry would want to see him or talk to him. It was harry who ended it, it was harry who moved to the other side of the world after they broke up, it was harry who never wanted to speak to louis again.

~

During the X factor louis and harry shared a lot of kisses, fooled around a bit, and flirted a lot, but they never made anything official. They never put a name to what they were doing, but that was okay because they didn't need to back then. All that mattered was how Louis couldn't keep his hands off harry no matter how hard he tried and how Harry's face lit up whenever he saw louis or how harry laughed harder than anyone else at Louis's jokes. They didn't need to label their relationship then because they were living in the bubble that was the X factor house, but once that was over louis knew he had to make their relationship official. 

So one night during the X factor tour, louis and harry were sitting on their bed in their shared hotel room. They were lazily making out, just moments away from falling asleep when louis realized it was the right moment to ask harry to be his boyfriend. Louis pulled away from harry. Of course harry leaned back in to kiss louis again, and while usually louis would just go back to kissing him he didn't because he had to ask harry right then.

"Harry, love, we can kiss again in a minute, but first I need to ask you something." Louis was nervous even though he knew how harry would react. He could practically see Harry's face lighting up in his head. 

"Well what is it, Lou?" The confusion was clear on Harry's face. 

Louis looked down to where his and Harry's hands were linked. "I was just wondering if you wanted to like officially be my boyfriend?" He was still looking down at their hands after he got the question out. He was so scared that he had maybe misread harry. Louis thought maybe harry didn't want a relationship, maybe they were just fooling around.

"Are you serious?" Louis heard the smile in Harry's voice, and when he looked up at harry he saw the younger boy beaming at him. "Of course I want to be your boyfriend louis. I thought you'd never ask." With that harry moved over and got in Louis's lap. Soon they were back to kissing.

They told the boys that they were officially together. None of them were surprised. They told their parents, and both of the boys moms were overjoyed. Louis and harry were so happy to finally be able to call the other their boyfriend, but they weren't stupid. They knew how their new management might react, and they knew how it could possibly affect their careers. So they decided that for the time being their relationship would be something they kept quiet.

At first, it was exciting to have a secret relationship. They felt like spies or something whenever they sneakily kissed or snuck off to be alone together. That excitement couldn't last forever though.

The day louis realized he was in love with harry was also during the X factor tour. He woke up one morning in hotel bed next to harry like he did every morning. Harry was still sleeping. He had his head on Louis's chest and looked so peaceful. That's when Louis's undeniable love for the boy slapped him in the face. He wanted to wake up every morning next to harry, and he didn't see any reason why he wouldn't. 

When harry started showing signs of waking up, louis panicked. He didn't know if he should tell harry his newly discovered feelings or if that would be weird. But when harry opened his eyes and looked at louis his mind was made up.

"I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you," Louis admitted.

The smile that bloomed on Harry's face was the brightest thing louis had ever seen. "Obviously, I'm in love with you too." And that was that. 

Everything seemed perfect for a while. The X factor tour ended, but louis and harry were still spending all of their time together. They were still keeping their relationship a secret from most people, but that was okay. Sure louis was so in love with harry that he wanted to shout it from the rooftops, and yeah harry sometimes talked about how he just wished he could hold Louis's hand in public, but they were okay. They could keep it a secret; although, they hoped they wouldn't have to for long.

Leeds is one of Louis's favorite memories. Both he and harry had always wanted to go, and when they finally did it was amazing. The music was great, sleeping in a tent was great, getting drunk and acting like a fool was great. But none of that compared to their last night at Leeds fest. 

Louis had always imagined taking Harry's virginity in a bed, but that night when they got back to their tent felt like the perfect moment. Of course they had fooled around a lot. There had been lots of hand jobs in the X factor house and tons of blow jobs after then, but they had never gone all the way. Harry had never had sex, and louis had never had sex with a boy, so they were both nervous.

They hadn't planned on having sex that night. When they got back to the tent they immediately started making out. They were laying down, harry on top of louis. Louis was half hard and he could feel Harry's erection on his thigh. When harry shifted and their cocks brushed through the material of their pants, harry let out a soft moan that made louis fully hard.

"Lou, I want- I really want you inside me." And that was the best thing louis had ever heard.

"Are you sure?" Harry nodded quickly. "Okay." With that he moved his hands down to the hem of Harry's shirt, and lifted the shirt off of him. They rolled over to where louis was on top and louis took his own shirt off. "I'll get the stuff." They might not have planned on having sex, but louis was definitely prepared. As he moved to get the lube and condoms, harry took his pants off. After he got it, he settled himself back on too of harry. Louis had seen harry naked a million times, and he thought that at some point he would get immune to how good harry looks, but as he took off Harry's boxers and looked down at Harry's hard, leaking cock he knew he would never get immune to it.

"You've got to take your pants off too, Lou." Harry reached down to unbutton Louis's trousers and slid them off of louis. Only one thin layer separated their cocks when louis pressed down on Harry's erection. "Come on, I want to do it now."

"So impatient," louis mumbled as he leaned down to kiss Harry's neck. He wanted to mark every inch of Harry's skin with his teeth, but he settled with just sucking one love bite right in the middle of Harry's neck. Harry moaned when louis softly bit the mark. Then louis moved up to Harry's lips. The kiss was less gentle than it usual was, louis could tell just how badly harry wanted him.

Louis pulled away and picked the lube up. "Have you ever fingered yourself, love?" 

"Yeah, a couple f times." The image of harry fingering himself made louis think he was going to come in his pants. 

"Okay, hold your knees for me." Louis moved down to where he was at eye level with Harry's cock. Harry held his knees up so louis had better access to his hole. Before putting a finger in harry, louis kissed up his thighs and over the outside of his hole causing harry to shudder. Louis slipped a finger in harry and started opening him up. "Does it feel okay? Can I add another?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's good." Harry said in a breathy voice that made it evident he was enjoying this.

Louis added a second finger and started scissoring them inside of harry. He started kissing along Harry's thighs again. Then he trailed his lips up to the base of Harry's cock. He moved just to put the head in his mouth and licked the slit.

"God Lou," harry moaned. "You have to stop or I'm gonna come."

Louis pulled off, "I'm gonna add another okay?" Harry gave a consenting moan. Louis had three fingers in harry and all he could think about how good it was going to feel to have his cock in harry. When louis hit what he assumed was Harry's prostate, harry let out the most amazing sound louis had ever heard. He continued to work his fingers in harry until he thought harry was open enough. He pulled his fingers out making harry sigh. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, yes come on." Harry quickly replied. 

Louis got the condom and rolled it on himself then moved back up to where he was face to face with harry. They kissed chastely. "I love you," louis said as he lined himself up. Harry wrapped his legs around Louis's waist.

"I love you too." Louis pushed into harry, and it was the best thing he had ever felt. He pushed in until he bottomed out, and when he did harry let out a groan. "Feels so good." 

Louis continued to move in harry, and with every thrust he could feel himself getting closer to coming. Before this louis had always thought the phrase 'making love' was cheesy, but now he knew what people meant. It felt so good for him to me doing this with harry, someone he loved so much. 

Harry moved his hand to wrap it around his cock. They were both sweaty and moaning and close to the edge. Harry jerked himself quickly and in no time he was coming all over himself and louis. Louis continued to fuck him but it only took a few more thrusts before he reached his orgasm. He collapsed on Harry's chest while they both tried to catch their breathes. 

"I love you so much." Louis said as he pulled out of harry and discarded the condom. They kissed for what felt like hours after that, and louis had never been more happy than he was that night.

~

"It's just a quick interview. They have a couple viewers call in and ask questions. It'll be over before you know it." Penelope says over the phone. It seems someone forgot to mention louis has another interview tonight.

"I was looking forward to getting back to my room and going to sleep," louis replies while he walks down to the hotel lobby.

"I know, I'm sorry, but this will be a good show for you." They hang up shortly after that. Louis is being driven to whatever show he has to do. He's so over this promotional tour. He just wants to go home and do nothing for the rest of his life, he thinks.

When he arrives at the studio it's the same old, same old. He's expecting this entire thing to be the same boring routine. 

Louis walks out on the stage and is greeted by a loud applause. He shakes the host's hand. It's a flamboyant looking middle aged guy, and louis thinks he looks interesting enough so maybe this'll be fun. 

It starts off the same as usual. Just boring questions about the book and life after one direction. Then they play a game where Andy, the host, says a phrase and louis has to say which former bandmate that it describes. Louis doesn't want to say Harry's name, he doesn't want to talk about harry at all. 

"Most likely to cry at those sad animal abuse commercials?"

"Harry," and yeah louis didn't want to say his name but he couldn't lie.

After a short commercial break they have people call in to ask questions. The first girl is very sweet and tells him how big of a fan she is and asks what he plans to do after his promotional tour is done. It's the second girl that ruins Louis's mood.

"You're on with louis. What's your question?" Andy asks.

"I'm such a big fan. I used to be the biggest larry shipper," the girl starts and louis can already tell this is going to be bad because he would really rather not talk about 'larry'. He keeps the smile on his face though. "So I've always wanted to know between you and harry who topped?" That wipes the smile off of Louis's face.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that's anyone's business." Louis curtly says. Maybe before this would be the kind of think louis would just laugh off, maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal. But now it is a big deal because louis would really prefer to never speak to some stranger about he and Harry's past sex life. 

After louis snaps at the caller, they wrap up the interview pretty quickly. Andy apologizes to him for the girl's question, and Louis leaves. 

He listens to Penelope give him a run down of the next few days while they drive back to the hotel. When they get there and are stepping onto the elevators is when she finally acknowledges that something is wrong with louis. "Are you okay?" She asks while putting a hand on his back.

"I'm fine. I was just caught off guard by that last question."

"I'm sorry. No more fan questions from now on, yeah?" 

"Yeah," louis says when the elevator doors open to their floor.

"You've seemed down since we got to la. You know if you ever need to talk that I'm here, right?" 

Louis knows it's a genuine offer. Penelope is great and they've become friends since she started as his publicist, but louis doesn't like to talk about his feelings to anyone and if he was going to it probably wouldn't be with her. "I know," he replies.

They walk into their separate rooms. Louis begins to undress for bed when his phone rings. He doesnt know who could be calling him since he knows it's so late back home. 

When he looks at the screen his heart starts to beat out of his chest. For the first time in two years, Harry's name is on his caller id and louis has no idea what to do. So he answers it.

"Hello?" His voice sounds quiet and unsure even to his own ears.

"Hi," harry drawls out, and it feels so good for louis to hear his voice again. "Um, I just watched that interview of yours and I saw how you looked after that question was asked and I just wanted to see if you're okay."

Louis is so confused as to why harry was watching his interview and why harry feels the need to call and check on him after all this time. "Yeah, of course I'm okay."

"That's good....so you're in LA?" Harry sounds a little unsure too.

"Yeah, just doing some promo stuff."

"Maybe since you're in town, maybe you'd want to come over to mine tomorrow? I could make dinner. I bet you haven't had a home cooked meal in a while, and we could catch up. I mean, if you want to." Harry spits those words out as fast as Louis's ever heard him speak.

Louis is so caught off guard by this whole situation and his heart is beating way too fast. He really doesn't understand what's going on. He doesn't know why harry would want him to come over, and he doesn't know if it's a good idea because I might hurt seeing harry again but knowing he can't ever have harry again. "That sounds great. I have some stuff in the morning I have to do, but my evening is free."

Harry lets out a sigh of relief and once again louis is confused because harry couldn't have actually been nervous could he? "Great. You could come over around 7? I'll text you the address."

"Okay. See you then, harry." 

"See you, Lou." Louis's heart melts with the nickname and then they hang up.

It takes about two seconds for it to sink in to louis what just happened. He was definitely not prepared for that phone call, and he is definitely not prepared to see harry again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Unfortunately I have another busy week this week, but I'll update as soon as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorry for how late this is, but I've been so busy with school and just started my job and everything is really hectic right now.

When louis wakes up the next morning, a sense of panic immediately washes over him. He's going to see harry today for the first time in two years. He's going to see harry today. Louis definitely doesn't feel prepared, and he wishes he would have just ignored Harry's call last night. Part of him wishes that anyway, but the other part yearns to see harry again. 

After laying in bed and having a mental breakdown for several minutes, louis finally shuffles out and into the shower. For the past 8 years louis has thought about harry a lot. Since they've broken up, louis has tried to stop himself from thinking about harry. He thought that the more time that passed the easier it would get to forget about the boy, but apparently not. And it seems today all of Louis's work will have been for nothing because the second louis sees harry all of the feelings louis has been trying to ignore will come rushing back. 

Louis decides to do what he always does when he's having a crisis, call zayn. He doesn't bother doing the math to figure out what time it is back in London. After 3 rings, zayn picks up.

"What?" Louis concludes zayn had been sleeping. 

"What are you doing?" He asks just to be annoying.

"I was sleeping you dick. What was so important that you had to wake me up?"

"Well...you know harry?" 

"Obviously I know harry. What about him?" Zayn sounds the way he always does when louis irritates him.

"Well...he called me yesterday," louis begins, "and he asked me to come over to his house today to have dinner."

"And you agreed?" 

"Obviously," louis replies.

Zayn sighs for what feels like several minutes. "You're sure that's a good idea?"

"No, it's probably a terrible idea."

"I know you miss him, and I know he misses you too. Just don't get have unrealistic expectations for this, okay?"

"I'm not getting my hopes up, zayn. I don't expect anything to happen. I'm just really confused. Why does he want to see me now? After all this time, why now?" This is what louis has really been wondering since he hung up with harry.

"Like I said, harry has missed you too."

"Well why is he just now calling me then? It's been two years. He left me and moved to the other side of the world and hasnt even sent me a text since then, and now he wants to have dinner with me?"

"I know you're confused, but I can't answer your questions. You'll have to ask him those things. All I know is that he still cares about you."

It's Louis's turn to sigh. "This is all so stupid."

"I know, Lou. You'll be fine," Zayn says.

"We'll see. What about your life? How's perrie?"

"Very pregnant and very hormonal." 

"Since you're having a boy this time, I do expect him to be named after me." Louis says in a very serious voice.

"I think we're going with Louis Tupac Malik." Zayn jokes.

"Sounds great if you ask me." They talk for a little longer about Zayn's expectant 2nd child, but then zayn tells him he's going back to sleep and hangs up.

Talking to zayn is always nice, but he's still freaking out about harry.

~

Louis and harry had always wanted to live together, so when after the X factor and X factor tour they moved into a flat together. 

They spent a couple of weeks looking around for the perfect flat. After looking at most of them, harry would just shake his head and say it wasn't right. He always said there was something missing, and louis never understood it because he thought all the flats were amazing, but he obviously wanted to make harry happy. Louis patiently waited for harry to finally fall in love with a flat.

"This is it," harry had whispered when they had found the perfect place. It was spacious and well lit. There was a great view, good closet space. Harry loved how big and up to date the kitchen was. Honestly, louis didn't think it was that much better than any of the other flats they had looked at, but harry insisted that this was the one. 

The first couple of weeks were spent unpacking and getting settled. They christened every room in the house being the horny teenagers they were. Everything was fun and exciting. Their relationship was just getting stronger. Their careers were moving in the right direction. And now they had the perfect home for the two of them. Everything was perfect.

Things can't stay perfect forever though. Somehow management found out about their relationship. A meeting was called and harry and louis knew things were going to change.

They sat surrounded by a bunch of people in suits discussing their relationship as if there weren't feelings involved. As if it was just a threat to their business. 

"We can't have people speculating about your sexualities. It would be bad for the group since you haven't even released an album yet." 

"We've kept it a secret this long, I'm sure we can keep going," louis said even though he was already growing tired of the secret.

"People are already speculating though. Especially about you, louis."

"Well I don't know what you want me to do about it." Louis was upset and harry was just sad and the entire thing was a mess.

The people in suits all exchanged a look. Then after a long pause one of them spoke up but avoided eye contact with louis, "we've decided to bring someone in to pretend to be your girlfriend."

That's where harry started crying and louis started fuming. "A fake girlfriend?" Louis asked with venom in his voice.

"It won't be that bad. We'll just need you to be photographed with her and talk about her in a couple of interviews. It won't be for long." Louis agreed because what choice did he have? 

When louis and harry returned to their flat, louis could tell harry was still sad. They went and laid on the couch.

"Don't worry about it, haz. You know I love you and no fake girlfriend is going to change that. It won't be for long." Louis tried to console him.

"I just don't want to see you with someone else. I don't want to listen to you talk about her in interviews." Harry admitted.

Louis understood this. He knew if the roles were reversed that he would feel the same way. "It'll be okay. I promise." He believed that too. Louis thought it would all be okay.

The first couple of times going out with Eleanor, Louis was miserable. He knew Eleanor was probably a lovely girl and that he should try to make friends with her, but it just made him sick to his stomach knowing everyone thought they were dating when really louis had the most amazing boyfriend back at home. 

Harry tried not to show his jealousy, but louis picked up on it. So whenever louis got home from being with Eleanor he would be sure to shower harry with love and attention. 

Things weren't perfect anymore. Reality had set in, and they relationship wasn't going to be easy. They were willing to fight for it though. Even if it was hard, they loved each other too much to quit. 

They still had hope that things would get better. Management kept saying that Louis's fake relationship wouldn't last for too long. After that they could back to the way things were before. Naively, they hoped they would be able to come out soon, but realistically they didn't count on it.

So, no, things weren't perfect but that was okay.

~

Louis spends way too much time trying to pick out an outfit. He tried to remind himself that it doesn't really matter what he wears. It's not like it's a first date. 

He finally decides on dark colored jeans that make his ass look good (harry always liked his ass) and a short sleeved button up that makes his eyes pop (harry always liked his eyes). He does his hair in a quiff even though he knows harry preferred his fringe. Then he reminds himself he's not trying to impress harry. 

It's weird how comfortable louis used to be around harry, but now he feels like he's going to throw up from nerves. He tells himself that it's normal to feel nervous, anyone would before seeing an ex-boyfriend for the first time in two years. 

The drive to Harry's house consists of louis almost turning around and going back to his hotel every 30 seconds, but somehow he makes it to Harry's.

He checks his hair in the mirror and wishes he could do something about the unsightly dark circles under his eyes. Then with all the courage he can muster up, he forces himself to get out of the car and walk to the door. 

Harry's house is big and gorgeous, just like louis expected. He bets the backyard is even more extravagant. Harry always talked about how he would like to have a garden and a pool. 

When louis finally makes it to the front door, he hesitates before knocking. He still feels like he's going to throw up, but he ignores it and rings the doorbell.

Before louis knows it the door is opening and he's face to face with the love of his life. Louis knew that harry still looked good, but he had not prepared himself to see harry with the same pushed back curls, bright green eyes, and pouty lips. He wasn't prepared to see harry wearing jeans as tight as ever. Louis isn't prepared for this night.

They spend several moments just looking at each other and taking it all in. Then harry says, "Hi Lou. Are you going to come in?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Sorry for the cliffhanger. 
> 
> I promise to update sooner this time.


End file.
